LIFE IS NOT EASY

I feel very refreshing when i see the mist in the morning, hang on the flowers, or trees. How wonderful it was so cool. Let me refresh my mind with a thought.. life is a direction where we have to put everything eg dreams, hopes, struggles, strength and patiences to pursue a happiness. That's why we always heard people says LIFE IS NOT EASY.. there's always up & down..







What life means to individual? Well, i have my own perception on life base on what i have been through. This photo was taken abt 13 years ago. All the smiles and we all been so happy for the moment. Amazingly, all my friends with different races could carry the tradisional dance. I really couldnt forget that moment.





Happiness can't hold on when love started to fade away. I keep on asking what i've done wrong. What my kids done wrong?. Aren't they wonderful? Aren't they deserve a happy life? Where's the heart? All our smiles, there's a pain inside. No one knows the tears we had shared. I still continue my journey in life. There's so much rock been carried on our shoulder. It was so heavy but with my strength wanted to see my kids happy, i still go on. I have promised them a happiness. Maybe not in a short term but there will be a light for us. I hope we can hold on with God's bless..

Believe in God.. I believe everythings happened with a reason and always walking in the light will give me the spirit of strength and patient i needed. God bless..

DREAM

Everyone has a dream. I have a dream. My dream is to be happy in all aspect in life and be somebody in my own self. Sometimes, I do feel I am lost direction. When I sit down and look around me. There's an emptiness. What is the emptiness??.. Most of the time, my little Emma will slap my face and wake me up. Everytime she kinda remind me.. Mummy, i m your happiness. Then i will smile at her. Hug & kiss her.. She hates i kiss her lips. But she's so adorable kid. She's a smart girl, i can say that. Just a 3 yrs old. Ask her to sing, she can sings so many songs that i myself don't memorize the lyric. But amazingly she can.

This moth was the biggest butterfly i ever seen. I don't know what its specific name. But I remember a friend commented .. butterfly, my butterfly.. wait for me don't fly away.. its a part of a song. Can i say, my happiness, oh happines.. don't go away?.. Can i just dream to be happy?.. Can i make my dream to be reality?.. Nothing is impossible.. It is just somewhere and to reach the way, we just have to find the reality of that DREAM. Not just let it fade away..

Terasing

Terasing

Kegelisahan didalam kedinginan
Meniti sepi keseorangan
Sebuah kematian yang tiada bernisan
Sendu mengiringi perpisahan

Ruang nan luas diri bergerak bebas
Namun keupayaanku terbatas
Segala mimpi menjadi asing
Perit membakar diri

Sebuah cinta dan harapan
Menjadi mimpi berterbangan
Tersekat nafasku kabur pandangan mataku
Amat tersiksa diriku
Kerana kehilanganmu

Oh mengapakah terus mengharap menanti
Walau cukup kusedari
Kau tak kan kembali

Pemergianmu mengisi kekosongan
Biarpun dikau masih kuperlukan
Kita dikatakan pasangan bahagia
Kini terasing luka

Hmmmm.. I like this song very much. A song by the late Sudirman. All the lirics of his songs remind me about my life. I m a big fan of him and it is difficult to find other great perfomer like him nowadays. He inspired me to be a person and accept the facts of life. Life still go on eventhough my dream was drowning but there is a new dream. That dream i will make it real.. apa itu mimpi??.. Wait & see sajalah..

Forgive but Never Forget

Once upon a time, i was happy with my life. I have almost perfect things that everybody dream of, house, car, career and family. At that time, i always hoping that it will last happily ending life. Until a day came a disaster strucked me. My life turned into darkness. My world almost destroy just with words from someone i once love so much. I asked him so many times, why now? Why me? What had i done that make you unhappy? And so many question that unanswerable.. I was deeply hurt with the answer. "It is not that you were not perfect for me but I have fallen in love with someone else.." Wahhhhh... i cried so loud. I couldn't accept that answer. "Maybe we are not meant to be, maybe we will be happy with new person".. so many maybe but no real answer.

That wasn't stop there. He never stopped hurting me. Keep on saying so much things that hurt me so much. I turned depression. How i want to live my life?.. How about my children?.. What am i going to do next?.. All of these was lingering my mind and i couldn't stop thinking why he dare to do that to me without thinking of the risk that might happen. Life is life. I still continue my life.. I did whatever things that i could to feed my children. I sold ice creams. Handmade ice cream. At least i can affort to buy noodles, rice and some house groceries. No one hand me out a help. Not even one. Neighbours?.. Relatives?.. Huh!!! I learned alot from the passed. Only God helps me up.. that was because I never failed have my faith in him.. Thanks God, I was alive.

That was in 2001 until end of 2002. Wahh.. Quite sometimes eh??.. Time passed by. We still got along. But do i forgive him?.. Can i forget about all these?.. Why only now i revealed everything?.. Why i still can hold on for 7 years?.. My answer is, i don't know.. I really don't know. I thought i still loved him & accept him back. But for 7 years i found out that i only live in my own world. I smile, i laugh, i giggle.. but deep inside me.. I cried most of the time. I am really hurt. He always said, you just forget it like i did.. But it is easy for him to say because he did the mistake. Can i accept?.. Of course NO.

So please. Don't put ourselves into self-denial. You always said i lived in denial. Well, now it is the time that we accept the facts. The facts that may lead to our happiness in future.. I wish all the best that you will have your better person in your life. It is yours to choose. I have my own life to continue on and I am happy with my life now.. I will always FORGIVE because forgiveness is the best to live a life on. But to FORGET. No matter how hard i want to forget, it still can't get of my mind. To forgive is sometimes not to forget..

Making The Most of Every Opportunity

As a human beings, we are always being tempted by so many temptations such as lust, money, .. sometimes we forgot that we are beyond our act and we didn't realise that we hurt someone that we loved so much. There's so many opportunity given to us and yet we don't take that opportunity to restore what we've lost.

I take this opportunity to my very most important thing, MY LIFE. This moment, my feelings are crushed so badly and i couldn't regain my trust. I thought i can just forgive and forget everything but i couldn't accept the facts that he had betrayed my trust on him. For so many years, I have tried my best to keep inside me. Then I realised that the more I keep my feelings, i become a hatred person. And i don't want to do that. I don't want to be hypocrite for the rest of my life.

I am giving this chance to help him to be a better person in his life. The only things that I can't share my life with him anymore. I had been patient for many years and I kept thinking that the mistakes come from me myself. I am too softkind hearted person but I can't be one for the rest of my life. Maybe this is the best way to improve both of us. I hope that he'll get what he wants in his future life. And i always pray to God that we both can have a better future in life generally.

As a person taught me before, I will always be myself. Because when I did, i found so much precious things in me. I will make the most of every opportunity to be the best of me.

"Bloom where you are planted, be the best you can be at your present assignment & stay there until God calls you elswhere" 1 Timothy 1:12

To all, I am very sorry to rush into this mess. I maybe a self-fish person but I am just a human beings. I have a feelings that need to be care. So, all the best to you. Thank you for being my friend all this while and I will always a friend when you need one. Just a FRIEND.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is good for the soul, yes but forgiveness also cannot be forced. We cannot will oursleves to forgive, because if we try to deny the anger, blame and judgement that may still be there, it is likely to come out at some point. So how do we reach forgiveness?

To forgive others is the natural outcome of forgiving ourselves and taking loving care of ourselves. When we judge ourselves, we will have a tenancy to assign that judgement onto others, no matter how much we tell ourselves that we have forgiven them.

"How can i forgive my parents when they were so abusive to me when i was growing up?"

If you continue to treat yourself in the abusive ways your parents may treated you, you cannot reach forgivess. It is your lack of self -care that perpetuates the anger toward others. As we grow older, we each have a great opportunity to learn to treat ourselves with the love, respect, caring and understanding that we have lacked as children. When we don't grab this, all the past turn to presents as we keep continuing the same basic and will blame others for how we end up feeling because we lack of self-care.

"How can i forgive my spouse for cheating on me?"

You may hardly forgive a spouse until you fully take responsibility for your participation in the relationship issues that may have contributed to the unfaithfulness. There are always ways you did not listen to yourself or honor yourself that put you in the position of being betrayed. As you look deeply within and discover how you might have betrayed yourself and learn to forgive yourself, you may reach forgiveness for your spouse, even if you end up leaving the relationship. Choose the best way to your own happiness instead of others.

"How can i forgive my best friend for abandoning me?"

The world apts to reflect to us whatever happening in our own inner system. When we feel abandoned by someone, we actually possibly abandoned our own. We failed to concern our own feelings, needs and advocate love for ourselves. If you learn how to take loving care of yourself, you will find your anger toward others gradually dissapearing.

"How can I forgive myself when others do not forgive me and throw my past in my face every chance they get?"

You can't wait for others to forgive us as this will lead you stuck in anger and judgement because forgiveness has nothing to do with your own decision to judge or forgive yourself. When you learn to move out of judgement and into compassion, to yourself then to others, you will find yourself forgiving yourself and others. Forgiveness is the natural outgrowth of compassion.

Turn hobby to business

This is my quilt project. A set of bedsheet, 2 pillow cases & a booster for a wedding gift. It takes about 2 months to finish up including designing, sewing & touch up.

I've been quilting since 1994 after i gave birth to my eldest daughter. At that time, i do it for fun and thanks to my mum for encouraging me to this hobby cum business. My first quilt book priced RM 49.00 which i bought for my mum as gift.

It is a great hobby as i also can do business out of it. I design & produce all kinds of quilt product, such as blanket (crib, kid, queen to King size), handbags, table cloth and even table mats. I hope i can expand my quilt business one day..

Living the Moment

The living in the moment is the ability to be fully present and aware of yourself and surroundings as you live each moment. Achieving such a state require observations, appreciation, patience, quiet and ability to turn off the clock and put away the calendar.

While most of us don't experience such time frequently, this is when we feel the most alive. In theory, being present involves learning how to pay attention and the process of getting there is far easier than you might think. There are a few simple steps you can do right now to help you stay in the present and pay attention to your life experience in a very positive way.

Start by setting a few quiet minutes aside each day to close your eyes and take stock of what you are feeling, no matter how good or bad those feelings may be. Don't judge your feelings, just allow yourself to become aware of the emotions behind them.

Send your attention outward and become aware of things around you. Notice if you feel warm or cold, air moving in and out of your lungs. Open your eyes and notice the colors and sight around you in this same subtle, attentive way.

By the time you are halfway through this little exercise, you may surprised at how much you actually notice about your internal and external presence. Then you will find the "paying attention" will take on a whole new meaning, and it will be very nice one at that.