Once upon a time, i was happy with my life. I have almost perfect things that everybody dream of, house, car, career and family. At that time, i always hoping that it will last happily ending life. Until a day came a disaster strucked me. My life turned into darkness. My world almost destroy just with words from someone i once love so much. I asked him so many times, why now? Why me? What had i done that make you unhappy? And so many question that unanswerable.. I was deeply hurt with the answer. "It is not that you were not perfect for me but I have fallen in love with someone else.." Wahhhhh... i cried so loud. I couldn't accept that answer. "Maybe we are not meant to be, maybe we will be happy with new person".. so many maybe but no real answer.
That wasn't stop there. He never stopped hurting me. Keep on saying so much things that hurt me so much. I turned depression. How i want to live my life?.. How about my children?.. What am i going to do next?.. All of these was lingering my mind and i couldn't stop thinking why he dare to do that to me without thinking of the risk that might happen. Life is life. I still continue my life.. I did whatever things that i could to feed my children. I sold ice creams. Handmade ice cream. At least i can affort to buy noodles, rice and some house groceries. No one hand me out a help. Not even one. Neighbours?.. Relatives?.. Huh!!! I learned alot from the passed. Only God helps me up.. that was because I never failed have my faith in him.. Thanks God, I was alive.
That was in 2001 until end of 2002. Wahh.. Quite sometimes eh??.. Time passed by. We still got along. But do i forgive him?.. Can i forget about all these?.. Why only now i revealed everything?.. Why i still can hold on for 7 years?.. My answer is, i don't know.. I really don't know. I thought i still loved him & accept him back. But for 7 years i found out that i only live in my own world. I smile, i laugh, i giggle.. but deep inside me.. I cried most of the time. I am really hurt. He always said, you just forget it like i did.. But it is easy for him to say because he did the mistake. Can i accept?.. Of course NO.
So please. Don't put ourselves into self-denial. You always said i lived in denial. Well, now it is the time that we accept the facts. The facts that may lead to our happiness in future.. I wish all the best that you will have your better person in your life. It is yours to choose. I have my own life to continue on and I am happy with my life now.. I will always FORGIVE because forgiveness is the best to live a life on. But to FORGET. No matter how hard i want to forget, it still can't get of my mind. To forgive is sometimes not to forget..
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I'm agree with that. Forgiving can easily done but forgeting is something else. Not that we don't want to forget about it, like I always say, how I wish the water than can make you forget do really exist so that I don't have to remember anything that hurts.
ReplyDeleteWow, reading this is like someone choking me. I'm like holding my breath coz, I do know how it feels like..Our story may be different but the fact that we are hurting...well...kita jak yang tauk...Hang in there girl...sometimes we never know cam ney aturan hidup kita lepas all the things that happen...all the best to you! If you think that you will not be able to forget, its ok...thats goin to be a lesson in life why want to forget it..
ReplyDeleteNot that i want to humiliate someone. That's the fact he had to accept. I m hurt & i choose to let him go. If you love someone, pls let them go. Weyy, yg patah akan tumbuh.. hilang akan berganti bak lagu Sudirman. cheers.
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