DREAM

Everyone has a dream. I have a dream. My dream is to be happy in all aspect in life and be somebody in my own self. Sometimes, I do feel I am lost direction. When I sit down and look around me. There's an emptiness. What is the emptiness??.. Most of the time, my little Emma will slap my face and wake me up. Everytime she kinda remind me.. Mummy, i m your happiness. Then i will smile at her. Hug & kiss her.. She hates i kiss her lips. But she's so adorable kid. She's a smart girl, i can say that. Just a 3 yrs old. Ask her to sing, she can sings so many songs that i myself don't memorize the lyric. But amazingly she can.

This moth was the biggest butterfly i ever seen. I don't know what its specific name. But I remember a friend commented .. butterfly, my butterfly.. wait for me don't fly away.. its a part of a song. Can i say, my happiness, oh happines.. don't go away?.. Can i just dream to be happy?.. Can i make my dream to be reality?.. Nothing is impossible.. It is just somewhere and to reach the way, we just have to find the reality of that DREAM. Not just let it fade away..

Terasing

Terasing

Kegelisahan didalam kedinginan
Meniti sepi keseorangan
Sebuah kematian yang tiada bernisan
Sendu mengiringi perpisahan

Ruang nan luas diri bergerak bebas
Namun keupayaanku terbatas
Segala mimpi menjadi asing
Perit membakar diri

Sebuah cinta dan harapan
Menjadi mimpi berterbangan
Tersekat nafasku kabur pandangan mataku
Amat tersiksa diriku
Kerana kehilanganmu

Oh mengapakah terus mengharap menanti
Walau cukup kusedari
Kau tak kan kembali

Pemergianmu mengisi kekosongan
Biarpun dikau masih kuperlukan
Kita dikatakan pasangan bahagia
Kini terasing luka

Hmmmm.. I like this song very much. A song by the late Sudirman. All the lirics of his songs remind me about my life. I m a big fan of him and it is difficult to find other great perfomer like him nowadays. He inspired me to be a person and accept the facts of life. Life still go on eventhough my dream was drowning but there is a new dream. That dream i will make it real.. apa itu mimpi??.. Wait & see sajalah..

Forgive but Never Forget

Once upon a time, i was happy with my life. I have almost perfect things that everybody dream of, house, car, career and family. At that time, i always hoping that it will last happily ending life. Until a day came a disaster strucked me. My life turned into darkness. My world almost destroy just with words from someone i once love so much. I asked him so many times, why now? Why me? What had i done that make you unhappy? And so many question that unanswerable.. I was deeply hurt with the answer. "It is not that you were not perfect for me but I have fallen in love with someone else.." Wahhhhh... i cried so loud. I couldn't accept that answer. "Maybe we are not meant to be, maybe we will be happy with new person".. so many maybe but no real answer.

That wasn't stop there. He never stopped hurting me. Keep on saying so much things that hurt me so much. I turned depression. How i want to live my life?.. How about my children?.. What am i going to do next?.. All of these was lingering my mind and i couldn't stop thinking why he dare to do that to me without thinking of the risk that might happen. Life is life. I still continue my life.. I did whatever things that i could to feed my children. I sold ice creams. Handmade ice cream. At least i can affort to buy noodles, rice and some house groceries. No one hand me out a help. Not even one. Neighbours?.. Relatives?.. Huh!!! I learned alot from the passed. Only God helps me up.. that was because I never failed have my faith in him.. Thanks God, I was alive.

That was in 2001 until end of 2002. Wahh.. Quite sometimes eh??.. Time passed by. We still got along. But do i forgive him?.. Can i forget about all these?.. Why only now i revealed everything?.. Why i still can hold on for 7 years?.. My answer is, i don't know.. I really don't know. I thought i still loved him & accept him back. But for 7 years i found out that i only live in my own world. I smile, i laugh, i giggle.. but deep inside me.. I cried most of the time. I am really hurt. He always said, you just forget it like i did.. But it is easy for him to say because he did the mistake. Can i accept?.. Of course NO.

So please. Don't put ourselves into self-denial. You always said i lived in denial. Well, now it is the time that we accept the facts. The facts that may lead to our happiness in future.. I wish all the best that you will have your better person in your life. It is yours to choose. I have my own life to continue on and I am happy with my life now.. I will always FORGIVE because forgiveness is the best to live a life on. But to FORGET. No matter how hard i want to forget, it still can't get of my mind. To forgive is sometimes not to forget..