Terasing
Kegelisahan didalam kedinginan
Meniti sepi keseorangan
Sebuah kematian yang tiada bernisan
Sendu mengiringi perpisahan
Ruang nan luas diri bergerak bebas
Namun keupayaanku terbatas
Segala mimpi menjadi asing
Perit membakar diri
Sebuah cinta dan harapan
Menjadi mimpi berterbangan
Tersekat nafasku kabur pandangan mataku
Amat tersiksa diriku
Kerana kehilanganmu
Oh mengapakah terus mengharap menanti
Walau cukup kusedari
Kau tak kan kembali
Pemergianmu mengisi kekosongan
Biarpun dikau masih kuperlukan
Kita dikatakan pasangan bahagia
Kini terasing luka
Hmmmm.. I like this song very much. A song by the late Sudirman. All the lirics of his songs remind me about my life. I m a big fan of him and it is difficult to find other great perfomer like him nowadays. He inspired me to be a person and accept the facts of life. Life still go on eventhough my dream was drowning but there is a new dream. That dream i will make it real.. apa itu mimpi??.. Wait & see sajalah..
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Forgive but Never Forget
Once upon a time, i was happy with my life. I have almost perfect things that everybody dream of, house, car, career and family. At that time, i always hoping that it will last happily ending life. Until a day came a disaster strucked me. My life turned into darkness. My world almost destroy just with words from someone i once love so much. I asked him so many times, why now? Why me? What had i done that make you unhappy? And so many question that unanswerable.. I was deeply hurt with the answer. "It is not that you were not perfect for me but I have fallen in love with someone else.." Wahhhhh... i cried so loud. I couldn't accept that answer. "Maybe we are not meant to be, maybe we will be happy with new person".. so many maybe but no real answer.
That wasn't stop there. He never stopped hurting me. Keep on saying so much things that hurt me so much. I turned depression. How i want to live my life?.. How about my children?.. What am i going to do next?.. All of these was lingering my mind and i couldn't stop thinking why he dare to do that to me without thinking of the risk that might happen. Life is life. I still continue my life.. I did whatever things that i could to feed my children. I sold ice creams. Handmade ice cream. At least i can affort to buy noodles, rice and some house groceries. No one hand me out a help. Not even one. Neighbours?.. Relatives?.. Huh!!! I learned alot from the passed. Only God helps me up.. that was because I never failed have my faith in him.. Thanks God, I was alive.
That was in 2001 until end of 2002. Wahh.. Quite sometimes eh??.. Time passed by. We still got along. But do i forgive him?.. Can i forget about all these?.. Why only now i revealed everything?.. Why i still can hold on for 7 years?.. My answer is, i don't know.. I really don't know. I thought i still loved him & accept him back. But for 7 years i found out that i only live in my own world. I smile, i laugh, i giggle.. but deep inside me.. I cried most of the time. I am really hurt. He always said, you just forget it like i did.. But it is easy for him to say because he did the mistake. Can i accept?.. Of course NO.
So please. Don't put ourselves into self-denial. You always said i lived in denial. Well, now it is the time that we accept the facts. The facts that may lead to our happiness in future.. I wish all the best that you will have your better person in your life. It is yours to choose. I have my own life to continue on and I am happy with my life now.. I will always FORGIVE because forgiveness is the best to live a life on. But to FORGET. No matter how hard i want to forget, it still can't get of my mind. To forgive is sometimes not to forget..
That wasn't stop there. He never stopped hurting me. Keep on saying so much things that hurt me so much. I turned depression. How i want to live my life?.. How about my children?.. What am i going to do next?.. All of these was lingering my mind and i couldn't stop thinking why he dare to do that to me without thinking of the risk that might happen. Life is life. I still continue my life.. I did whatever things that i could to feed my children. I sold ice creams. Handmade ice cream. At least i can affort to buy noodles, rice and some house groceries. No one hand me out a help. Not even one. Neighbours?.. Relatives?.. Huh!!! I learned alot from the passed. Only God helps me up.. that was because I never failed have my faith in him.. Thanks God, I was alive.
That was in 2001 until end of 2002. Wahh.. Quite sometimes eh??.. Time passed by. We still got along. But do i forgive him?.. Can i forget about all these?.. Why only now i revealed everything?.. Why i still can hold on for 7 years?.. My answer is, i don't know.. I really don't know. I thought i still loved him & accept him back. But for 7 years i found out that i only live in my own world. I smile, i laugh, i giggle.. but deep inside me.. I cried most of the time. I am really hurt. He always said, you just forget it like i did.. But it is easy for him to say because he did the mistake. Can i accept?.. Of course NO.
So please. Don't put ourselves into self-denial. You always said i lived in denial. Well, now it is the time that we accept the facts. The facts that may lead to our happiness in future.. I wish all the best that you will have your better person in your life. It is yours to choose. I have my own life to continue on and I am happy with my life now.. I will always FORGIVE because forgiveness is the best to live a life on. But to FORGET. No matter how hard i want to forget, it still can't get of my mind. To forgive is sometimes not to forget..
Monday, June 22, 2009
Making The Most of Every Opportunity
As a human beings, we are always being tempted by so many temptations such as lust, money, .. sometimes we forgot that we are beyond our act and we didn't realise that we hurt someone that we loved so much. There's so many opportunity given to us and yet we don't take that opportunity to restore what we've lost.
I take this opportunity to my very most important thing, MY LIFE. This moment, my feelings are crushed so badly and i couldn't regain my trust. I thought i can just forgive and forget everything but i couldn't accept the facts that he had betrayed my trust on him. For so many years, I have tried my best to keep inside me. Then I realised that the more I keep my feelings, i become a hatred person. And i don't want to do that. I don't want to be hypocrite for the rest of my life.
I am giving this chance to help him to be a better person in his life. The only things that I can't share my life with him anymore. I had been patient for many years and I kept thinking that the mistakes come from me myself. I am too softkind hearted person but I can't be one for the rest of my life. Maybe this is the best way to improve both of us. I hope that he'll get what he wants in his future life. And i always pray to God that we both can have a better future in life generally.
As a person taught me before, I will always be myself. Because when I did, i found so much precious things in me. I will make the most of every opportunity to be the best of me.
"Bloom where you are planted, be the best you can be at your present assignment & stay there until God calls you elswhere" 1 Timothy 1:12
To all, I am very sorry to rush into this mess. I maybe a self-fish person but I am just a human beings. I have a feelings that need to be care. So, all the best to you. Thank you for being my friend all this while and I will always a friend when you need one. Just a FRIEND.
I take this opportunity to my very most important thing, MY LIFE. This moment, my feelings are crushed so badly and i couldn't regain my trust. I thought i can just forgive and forget everything but i couldn't accept the facts that he had betrayed my trust on him. For so many years, I have tried my best to keep inside me. Then I realised that the more I keep my feelings, i become a hatred person. And i don't want to do that. I don't want to be hypocrite for the rest of my life.
I am giving this chance to help him to be a better person in his life. The only things that I can't share my life with him anymore. I had been patient for many years and I kept thinking that the mistakes come from me myself. I am too softkind hearted person but I can't be one for the rest of my life. Maybe this is the best way to improve both of us. I hope that he'll get what he wants in his future life. And i always pray to God that we both can have a better future in life generally.
As a person taught me before, I will always be myself. Because when I did, i found so much precious things in me. I will make the most of every opportunity to be the best of me.
"Bloom where you are planted, be the best you can be at your present assignment & stay there until God calls you elswhere" 1 Timothy 1:12
To all, I am very sorry to rush into this mess. I maybe a self-fish person but I am just a human beings. I have a feelings that need to be care. So, all the best to you. Thank you for being my friend all this while and I will always a friend when you need one. Just a FRIEND.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is good for the soul, yes but forgiveness also cannot be forced. We cannot will oursleves to forgive, because if we try to deny the anger, blame and judgement that may still be there, it is likely to come out at some point. So how do we reach forgiveness?
To forgive others is the natural outcome of forgiving ourselves and taking loving care of ourselves. When we judge ourselves, we will have a tenancy to assign that judgement onto others, no matter how much we tell ourselves that we have forgiven them.
You may hardly forgive a spouse until you fully take responsibility for your participation in the relationship issues that may have contributed to the unfaithfulness. There are always ways you did not listen to yourself or honor yourself that put you in the position of being betrayed. As you look deeply within and discover how you might have betrayed yourself and learn to forgive yourself, you may reach forgiveness for your spouse, even if you end up leaving the relationship. Choose the best way to your own happiness instead of others.
"How can i forgive my best friend for abandoning me?"
The world apts to reflect to us whatever happening in our own inner system. When we feel abandoned by someone, we actually possibly abandoned our own. We failed to concern our own feelings, needs and advocate love for ourselves. If you learn how to take loving care of yourself, you will find your anger toward others gradually dissapearing.
"How can I forgive myself when others do not forgive me and throw my past in my face every chance they get?"
You can't wait for others to forgive us as this will lead you stuck in anger and judgement because forgiveness has nothing to do with your own decision to judge or forgive yourself. When you learn to move out of judgement and into compassion, to yourself then to others, you will find yourself forgiving yourself and others. Forgiveness is the natural outgrowth of compassion.
To forgive others is the natural outcome of forgiving ourselves and taking loving care of ourselves. When we judge ourselves, we will have a tenancy to assign that judgement onto others, no matter how much we tell ourselves that we have forgiven them.
"How can i forgive my parents when they were so abusive to me when i was growing up?"
If you continue to treat yourself in the abusive ways your parents may treated you, you cannot reach forgivess. It is your lack of self -care that perpetuates the anger toward others. As we grow older, we each have a great opportunity to learn to treat ourselves with the love, respect, caring and understanding that we have lacked as children. When we don't grab this, all the past turn to presents as we keep continuing the same basic and will blame others for how we end up feeling because we lack of self-care.
"How can i forgive my spouse for cheating on me?"You may hardly forgive a spouse until you fully take responsibility for your participation in the relationship issues that may have contributed to the unfaithfulness. There are always ways you did not listen to yourself or honor yourself that put you in the position of being betrayed. As you look deeply within and discover how you might have betrayed yourself and learn to forgive yourself, you may reach forgiveness for your spouse, even if you end up leaving the relationship. Choose the best way to your own happiness instead of others.
"How can i forgive my best friend for abandoning me?"
The world apts to reflect to us whatever happening in our own inner system. When we feel abandoned by someone, we actually possibly abandoned our own. We failed to concern our own feelings, needs and advocate love for ourselves. If you learn how to take loving care of yourself, you will find your anger toward others gradually dissapearing.
"How can I forgive myself when others do not forgive me and throw my past in my face every chance they get?"
You can't wait for others to forgive us as this will lead you stuck in anger and judgement because forgiveness has nothing to do with your own decision to judge or forgive yourself. When you learn to move out of judgement and into compassion, to yourself then to others, you will find yourself forgiving yourself and others. Forgiveness is the natural outgrowth of compassion.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Turn hobby to business
This is my quilt project. A set of bedsheet, 2 pillow cases & a booster for a wedding gift. It takes about 2 months to finish up including designing, sewing & touch up.
I've been quilting since 1994 after i gave birth to my eldest daughter. At that time, i do it for fun and thanks to my mum for encouraging me to this hobby cum business. My first quilt book priced RM 49.00 which i bought for my mum as gift.
It is a great hobby as i also can do business out of it. I design & produce all kinds of quilt product, such as blanket (crib, kid, queen to King size), handbags, table cloth and even table mats. I hope i can expand my quilt business one day..
Living the Moment
The living in the moment is the ability to be fully present and aware of yourself and surroundings as you live each moment. Achieving such a state require observations, appreciation, patience, quiet and ability to turn off the clock and put away the calendar.
While most of us don't experience such time frequently, this is when we feel the most alive. In theory, being present involves learning how to pay attention and the process of getting there is far easier than you might think. There are a few simple steps you can do right now to help you stay in the present and pay attention to your life experience in a very positive way.
Start by setting a few quiet minutes aside each day to close your eyes and take stock of what you are feeling, no matter how good or bad those feelings may be. Don't judge your feelings, just allow yourself to become aware of the emotions behind them.
Send your attention outward and become aware of things around you. Notice if you feel warm or cold, air moving in and out of your lungs. Open your eyes and notice the colors and sight around you in this same subtle, attentive way.
By the time you are halfway through this little exercise, you may surprised at how much you actually notice about your internal and external presence. Then you will find the "paying attention" will take on a whole new meaning, and it will be very nice one at that.
While most of us don't experience such time frequently, this is when we feel the most alive. In theory, being present involves learning how to pay attention and the process of getting there is far easier than you might think. There are a few simple steps you can do right now to help you stay in the present and pay attention to your life experience in a very positive way.
Start by setting a few quiet minutes aside each day to close your eyes and take stock of what you are feeling, no matter how good or bad those feelings may be. Don't judge your feelings, just allow yourself to become aware of the emotions behind them.
Send your attention outward and become aware of things around you. Notice if you feel warm or cold, air moving in and out of your lungs. Open your eyes and notice the colors and sight around you in this same subtle, attentive way.
By the time you are halfway through this little exercise, you may surprised at how much you actually notice about your internal and external presence. Then you will find the "paying attention" will take on a whole new meaning, and it will be very nice one at that.
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